I bought a ticket to see Neil Diamond once
With chicken in the basket at the Fox and Hounds
He really looks like him
He really sounds like him
I really thought it was him
Then someone showed me the small print.. 'Tribute'
....I hadn't read that

I bought a ticket to see Marc Bolan once
On the quiz finals night at the Firkin and Fugg
He really looks like him
He really sounds like him
I really thought it was him
Someone said he's dead you fool - crashed into a tree. ...'Tribute;
....I didn't know that

I'm fed up with lookalikes,
Soundalikes, suchalikes
And getting Abbamanic and Stung every night
Boney M's everywhere with Original Drifters
I'd call the Police to arrest them all
If only I could be sure
....it really would be them

We have to rise up and
Fight ...Dah Dah
For our rights...Dah Dah
Against Beastley Boys
And Substitutes (never knowing who is Who)
Or Tina retired.
And coming back as me Mum